I Don’t ‘Do’ Hills

When I first journeyed to Heartland back in March, Meadows Lane beckoned.  In was in this space on my daily walks that I gave myself fully to the certainty that ‘I don’t do hills’!  There were many ‘hills’ I encountered, the fewer being those born of the contour of the land.  In the majority the hills I encountered were the firmly held beliefs related to everything I wasn’t and everything I couldn’t do.

There are just a couple of hills worthy of note on the journey to the end of Meadows Lane, and they taunted me every day.  I recall a compelling need to push myself unmercifully to at least jog part of the way up those hills, but I never conquered them without being forced to finish the ascent at a walk.  As compelled as I was to punish myself by forcing the jogging assault, I was constantly defeated by the indisputable fact that ‘I don’t do hills’!!!

By the time my next visit in August came about and I could once again immerse myself in the sacred space I had come to know as Meadows Lane, those hills were no less demanding.  The ascent was still encountered as an all out assault to start with, but along the way there was a subtle shift in the ‘I don’t do hills” mentality.

It became ‘I don’t do hills well, but maybe how I do do hills is okay’.  The dominant thoughts of struggle, pain, and not enoughness began to mellow.  It was the dawn of a new age where I could sometimes contemplate the fact that ‘one step at a time’ would get me to the same destination.  The push for the top of the hill didn’t have to be all about pain, struggle and self punishment.

Just a couple of months later I was back in the embrace of Meadows Lane and once again revisiting the maxim of ‘I don’t do hills’.  Surprisingly this time it was okay not to push myself to even jog any of the hilly ascents, ‘one step at a time’ was perfectly acceptable as a way of doing the hills along Meadows Lane.

After a week or so of ‘doing the hills one step at a time’ I was prompted one early morn to approach the Knox’s Hill from a different place.  I wasn’t focused on the previous belief that ‘I don’t do hills’ and I had proven that ‘one step at a time’ is all it takes to get to the top, but on this occasion I decided to give my attention to just being fully present with the stretch of road in front of me that would soon enough deliver me to the top of the hill.  As I fully gave myself to my connection with the road and every footstep I took without projecting myself in to the past (“I don’t do hills”, “this is so hard”, “I am so unfit”) or the future (“it’s still a long way to the top”, “I wonder if I will make it?”) I discovered something amazing.

The hill quite literally did not exist!!!  My walk from the bottom to the top of the hill occurred effortlessly.  There was no struggle; no immersing myself in the pain of the past; no projecting myself into the what ifs of the future.  I was just as present as I could be in the NOW and embraced by divine grace.

On reflection I have come to realise I have a choice.  I can choose to approach life from a ‘I don’t do hills’ perspective where I remain focused on the past or project into the future, or I can choose the path where I encountered the least resistance – one where I gave myself to being as fully present in the NOW as possible.

I discovered my journey to remembering can flow with as much ease and grace as my thoughts allow when I decide that ‘being’ is the most empowered form of ‘doing’ anything.

I give thanks for the divine embrace of Meadows Lane and would recommend the pilgrimage to anyone looking for space to encounter their own ‘hills’ on their personal journey to remembering from a different perspective.

Blessings.

Maxeen